The Manly Men of the Left A Calendar for 2024
The legacy media has given their fawning but tiny group of listeners a chance to reject toxic masculinity for a new man who will cry in front of either his horse or his wife and feel good about it. Even though we apparently still are unable to define a woman, we must celebrate this new breed of man with a calendar. Granted it may not compete with the Sports illustrated calendar of the 60’s or a Victoria’s Secret calendar of the 80’s, but it will be a collector’s item for the future. I would have liked to have included Corn Pop beater Joe Biden, but let’s face it, his time is past and we are looking for studs.
Mr. January 2024 - Adam Schiff
They don’t get much more masculine than Adam Schiff who rocks a body that would make any leftie wilt under his intimidating gaze. Adam is a great way, curled up in front of a blazing fire, to recover from all those crazy holiday parties cuddling up in those manly arms.
Mr. February 2024 - Adam Kinzinger
Now Adam Kinzinger is a man’s man by any standard. If you happen to burp, or heaven forbid, let loose a flatulant, this guy will burst into tears. This really turns the ladies on.
Mr. March 2024 Barack Obama
I know what you are thinking and yes there has been some talk about his time at Columbia. But this guy has UFC fighter written all over him. Stud muffin Obama would kick your ass if his Shirley Temple was not prepared just so. So don’t mess with this animal.
Mr. April 2024 - Gavin Newsom
Normally April is for joking but this is dead serious. You think Gavin Newsom is just some slicked down metro car salesman. Think again this guy was bringing it when he kicked that kids ass in China. Newsom is a man to be reckoned with and I guarantee China will think twice before testing the US again
Mr. May 2024 - Alejandro Mayorkas
OK this one is tricky so pay attention ‘ this guy is the original “call me daddy” stud muffin. It may be in that subtle twist of the head, the hand gesture, or maybe that fierce open mouth, this is a Cuban born Latino stud that would twist the head off a kitten and not think twice. Its the quiet foreign language speakers that you need to watch out for.
Mr. June 2024 Eric Swalwell
OK I admit it. I am a little jealous of June. This internationally known woman killer would bang a Chinese spy and not even bat an eye. I mean really who was using whom? I am unable to confirm this through my sources in the intelligence community, but is it possible the CIA selected this animal to spread disinformation.
Mr. July 2024 Brad Sherman
This strutter must have written the song “Macho Man”. I mean he has testosterone oozing from every pour. Clearly to give this slick but intimidating look, he must have been manscaped from head to toe. What an animal and certainly a great example of the new non toxic man.
Mr. August 2024 Steve Cohen
Yes I have heard the rumors that this guy is a back stabbing phony politician from the great state of Tennessee and is one of the most progressive members of Congress. Can’t be true for this stud played both quarterback and middle linebacker for the Tennessee Titans and was nicknamed the pink hammer. I have no idea what that means.
Mr. September 2024 Sheldon Whitehouse
Pretty obvious choice for September for this month’s virile example of a working stiff named Sheldon. He labored in the textile mill in Pawtucket weaving winter sweaters for illegal immigrants and drug addicts back in the 80’s when he was discovered by Nancy Pelosi who hired him as her driver. His very aggressive masculinity pushed him through night school where he got his high school diploma. Sheldon rejected the opportunity for further education believing it would taint his image as a man of the people. He ran for the Senate and was elected by the R.I. mob vote and his endorsement by big Vinnie.
Mr. October 2024 - Chuck Schumar
I am confident enough in my own masculinity to admit freely that I got chills when I heard Schumar threatening Supreme Court Justices Kavanaugh and Gorsuch. Wow what a moment for unbridled masculinity coming out of such a old man. Clearly he still has it and no doubt rules his house with a firm hand and some occassional tears.
Mr. November 2024 - Tim Walz
Anyone with a nickname like Tampon Tim that is as masculine as this guy has got it all working for him. Truly a man’s man who would be comfortable buck naked crying his eyes out or smoking a cigar in a tuxedo. Don’t get carried away with permitting babies to die after a botched abortion or permitting breasts to be cut off young girls without their parents consent and involvement. This guy is a stud and wears camo gear
Mr. December 2024 - Doug Emhoff
Big Doug is my hero. Women worship him still after banging the nanny, slapping his girl friend, and strutting his stuff with a trophy secretary. Wonder what he’s done that we don’t know about. Man, I hope he writes a book. What a ladies man…And my Mr. December. He may give wild Bill a run for his money. Interns are fair game.